As Your Life Flashes Before Your Eyes
by imightbejoking
Summary: As Hearthstone dies, a life's worth of memories resurfaces. I cannot write summaries. Sorry. You should read this.


At first it seemed like everything would be okay.

Loki had been flyted into a nut, the undead troops were retreating, hopefully all the way back to Helheim, and everone (not the zombie soldiers, obviously) was alive and fighting.

We even made it all the way off the Ship of the Dead (i preferred that to 'Ship of Nails'. Gross) and out of the firing range of their cannons.

So why did it feel like something was wrong?

I immediately regretted asking myself that when i realized my chest was damp, but not from the water.

My hand came off sticky and stained dark green. I wondered how i was still alive, much less conscious.

 _Im 8 years old, and i look up from the rocks i was so focused on, realizing i hadnt seen Andiron in a while. I stand up, looking around, but i cant call his name. Suddenly i remeber that i last saw him playing around the well that he loves so much, and i run to it, leaning over and staring into the murky depths. It is probably my imagination, but i think i catch a glimpse of his shoe-the black sneaker that our parents had thought was 'in poor taste', although they could never refuse him anything. I start to panic. Tears stream down my face, and in that moment, i wish i were normal. I wish i had known what he had been doing, where he had gone. He was my responsibility, and i failed him. I feel a hand gripping my shoulder, not reassuring, but threatening, and i know my father knows i failed too._

I tried to signal for Blitz or Magnus' attention, but they couldn't hear my insistent clapping over the constant sound of cannons firing.

I could feel my resolve weakening with every step, and in a sudden burst of strength, grabbed at the back of Blitz's designer jacket.

I miss, and my legs go out from under me as i collapse to the cold, unforgiving ground of Niflheim.

 _I am 12 again, desperately arranging and rearranging the few coins scattered across the vast blue hide so that they cover more fur. I dont hear my father's footsteps as he approaches my room, or the door as he pulls it open viciously. I do feel his rough steps on the the floorboards as he stalks towards me, and i freeze in terror, shutting my eyes and try, in vain, to pretend it's all a dream. Any second now, Andiron would be shaking me awake, pulling me towards the woods we loved to play in. I can see the laughter in his eyes when he grins up at me, but when i feel a hand on my arm, it is not Andiron's. Instead, my father's cold touch meets my skin, and he yanks me into a standing postion by my forearm. I force my eyes open, my entire body racked with sobs. He has a look of disgust on his face, and i understand. I wasnt worth the trouble he went to to torture me. I wasnt worth anything._

But Blitz must have sensed something was off, because he glances behind him, casually checking on me. After seeing me sprawled across the ice, i can see as his expression goes from relieved, proud-albeit exhausted- to a look of shock and horror.

 _7 years have passed since my brother's death, and i am 15 years old. I am in the woods on my family's property, practicing my magic in secret. I accidentally glance at the well a few feet away from me, and the rune placed on it drains any color from my already pale face. I turn away, close my eyes briefly to regain my focus, and throw the rune i had been clutching in my hand. Berkano, rune of fertility, growth, and new beginnings. For a few terrifying seconds, nothing happened. I sighed, oblivious to any sound it made, and decided to walk back to the house. I had failed at every spell i tried to cast; that wouldnt change now. Just as i began turning away, a flash of light drew my attention back to where i had cast the rune. A small field of flowers had sprung up where before there had only been a patch of dead grass. I stared in wonder and silent (duh) amazement at my palms, and decided that one day, i would bring more than flowers to this godforsaken place_

I see his lips shaping panicked words, probably calling for Magnus. I see his legs turn and sprint towards me, kneeling at my side.

 _I'm 17 years old, and i pay my father 10 gold pieces for 20 minutes of free time. I hug my bag of runes protectively to my chest, sneaking to the woods behind the house as quietly as i can, considering i can't hear myself. I reach into the pouch at my belt, and stare in surprise at the rune in between my thumb and index finger. Ehwaz, the rune of transportation. I brace myself, focusing all of my energy on this rune, before throwing it to the clearing in front of me. In an explosion of light, i fall backwards, and then i am just falling through the air, the world dark for the first time in my memory. I fall and fall and fall, until suddenly I'm not falling anymore, and everything goes black._

I feel his hands, panicked, nervous hands, fluttering over my chest, trying to help. He keeps saying one phrase over and over, but I'm too drained to read his lips.

 _I feel hands, strong, calloused hands, feeling for my pulse. Their owner pulls them away, and i long for the contact. Then, i am scooped up by strong arms, and i black out again. When i come to, i have a pounding headache. I am surrounded by light, but not normal light. This light was gentler, softer, than the light in Alfheim. I drank it in, until i remembered the rune and the fall, and the arms that had carried me here. I tried sitting up, but my forehead hit something hard, and suddenly the light above me was gone, and a pair of beautiful brown eyes were staring at me with an expression that i didnt understand. I flinched away from the man, pressing myself as far away from him as i could. He reached out, placing a hand on my shoulder, and i tensed, causing him to retract his arm. I see his lips moving, and try to read them, but i lose consciousness, the world disappearing._

I don't see anything after that, as my vision blurs and everything goes dark.

 _This memory is from only two weeks ago, before Blitzen and I had left for this quest. We were arguing, which happened so rarely that when it did, it was terrifying. It had been over something i had said, an accident. I was nervous about Blitz going with us, about the possibility of never seeing him again. I had suggested that he stay back when we left, even though i knew how he would react even before i signed the words. His eyes widened, shocked, before narrowing in rage. He began yelling, screaming at me, all the while signing along as he spoke. The sudden movements of his hands reminded me of my father's hands when i did something particularly unforgivable. After the first few sentences, i realized i had pushed him too far. He would leave me alone once we returned. I knew that i would do this eventually. Just as i know how undesirable, how useless, how unlovable i am. Blitz stopped screaming at me when he noticed the way i flinched every time he made a slight movement, tears streaking down my face. He reaches out to me, realizing what_ happened, _and i automatically shrink back at his approach. I see the hurt in his eyes, but before he can say anything i inch away from him, my eyes never leaving his hands, for fear of them being used to express Blitz's anger on me._

As soon as I feel myself slipping away, i realize what Blitz had been trying to tell me.

"I love you."


End file.
